my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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