It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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