maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize