Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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