do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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