It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
