I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i love accidental penises.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
