Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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