does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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