I CAN MOONWALK!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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