Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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