Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize