Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
