I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
