ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
