when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
