hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
