Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
