I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
