I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
