if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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