he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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