god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
