on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
