I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
