chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
