Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
