Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
