My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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