I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
