Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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