i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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