no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
