The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
