I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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