they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
