It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
