I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
