Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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