I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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