Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
