Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
