Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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