U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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