I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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