Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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