Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
