Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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