She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
