I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
