I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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