I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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