Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
