woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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