batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
