can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
