people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
