I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
