did you get engaged???
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
