I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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