i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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