I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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