I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
