my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
