You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
